A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
