I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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