Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
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