whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Randomize
