well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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