Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I think I sprained my soul last night
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
