He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
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