okay pat passed out under dana's car
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Randomize
