As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Randomize
