I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
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