Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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