she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
