now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
