Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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