OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
