Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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