I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Terrible idea I love it
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
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