Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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