weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
