Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Randomize
