dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
