I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
