I just saw a hot homeless man
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
should my penis look like a turkey
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Randomize
