would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
