Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
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