so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
worst night to have a conscience
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Randomize
