Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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