: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
is that a dick in a sweater?
Randomize
