FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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