I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
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