i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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