I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Randomize
