i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Randomize
