i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
