I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
