Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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