just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
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