Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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