You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
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