At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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