lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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