the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
