god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
