if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I'm getting married
To pizza
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
