i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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