Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Drake has all the answers
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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