He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
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