Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
