Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Randomize
