please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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