So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
