Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
